I know you’ve heard this before. Accept yourself. Love yourself. It’s so much easier to say than to do. Stop comparing yourself to others and stop trying to please everyone. Stop worrying about what others think about you. This can be a most liberating act of self-love. The following link will take you to a page reminding you of ways to accept yourself.

http://tinyurl.com/ptx3wjt

Next, give up your perfectionism. Are you a self-proclaimed, or otherwise, perfectionist? Does perfectionism eat away at the juiciness of your love relationships because it messes with spontaneity? Does it cause your other relationships to be less than robust or even downright contentious? Does it keep you from getting things done in a timely manner? Perfectionism has been my biggest stressor. I am a recovering perfectionist. I would join a twelve-step program for recovering perfectionists but I can’t find one that doesn’t skip over one part of one of the twelve steps. However, since I have taken a vow to be the co-creator of the life I want to live and stop giving my power away, I am willing to take responsibility for letting go of perfectionism. In my professional life, perfectionism causes me to seem less approachable, stresses and exhausts me. In my personal relationships, perfectionism causes me to waste time in which I could be connecting with others. In fact, it could be that in an effort to avoid really giving myself up to intimacy, I have turned to perfectionism to rescue me. (Even if one wants intimacy and connection with others, sometimes it’s impossible to get past all the behaviors learned in childhood as survival mechanisms. But that’s another topic for another day!) I can choose. I have the power. According to Elizabeth Gilbert, celebrated author of Eat, Pray, Love and subsequent best sellers, perfectionism is just fear in disguise. Watch Marie Forleo’s inspiring interview with Gilbert.

https://youtu.be/HyUYa-BnjU8

In this interview, she says, “Perfectionism is a serial killer” This so true! Perfectionism kills opportunities in that you can wait for the perfect moment to do or say something that never arrives. Perfectionism can kill your creativity since your projects never get done because you get stuck on that one little thing that just isn’t right. Perfectionism advertises itself as a virtue and tricks you. Oh, It’s just that I have really high standards for myself, you say. In reality, the need to get something just right might just be lack of self-worth or lack of self-acceptance. The true perfectionist won’t even start a new endeavor because her standards are so high she knows she cannot ever meet them or the work will be so onerous since it’ll take so long to get every detail perfect. Gilbert says her mother taught her that “Done is better than good”. If you just finish it, it’s better than not doing it all. Forgive yourself. Move on. It’s ok. It’s all good. It is what it is. Take a breath. Love and accept yourself.

(Now, I’m going to resist the urge to do any more revisions to this and just publish it!)